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 I could have sworn I saw my little brother today, at the the bus stop near my house. Same build, same hair, same walk. I double took as I drove by, and then sat in my driveway for a minute debating how crazy it would seem if I walked over, saw it wasn’t him and walked back to my house. It reminded me so much of right after my mom died, when I would see a thin, dusty blonde woman in a crowd and have to restrain myself from yelling her name. I still hear her laugh occasionally on a city bus, or walking across campus, and look around. It’s not her, I know that. But it doesn’t stop my stomach from fluttering, and my hands to shake a little.

So while it is onebazilllion percent more likely that it could have been my brother, than any of those women were ever my mom (the death factor and all), I am chalking my ‘sighting’ this morning up to the fact that I miss him. I do not let myself dwell on it, because really, what can I do? But in little ways, I am reminded how much I wish he would just show up at my front door.

2 Responses to

  1. chance says:

    i have been meaning to tell you some stuff about luke…. i guess right before x-mas his GF ivy was incontact with Justin (tinas son). ivy was trying to get luke to meet up with dad & family durring x-mas but he told her he didnt want to see us and had her change her emal….. :( so that was even before you found her MySpace…. i really have no idea what made him change from being ok with coming by (dad gave him money afew times, he hung out with us for a while after uncle ray died,) and then poof he disaperas and wants nothing to do with any of us. dads talked about getting a personaly detective and trying to track him down but we arent sure if that would push him further away. i dont know if he went off the far end with drugs, or a cult or what. :( brandon said he did the same thing to his folks, but than again when they tracked him down he didnt yell at them. *hugs*

  2. I really think letting him be is best. The myspace thing blew over, and he did tell me that he is okay. But he also made it clear that he wants nothing to do with the family (or his past) right now. Which – yeah, I think we get. We’ve been there. He knows he is welcome here, and that if he showed up and asked me not to tell anyone, I would do that.
    He has a lot of demons from his part, and sadly, most of them have taken on our faces. He will be okay. He is a Freeman – we live through just about anything.

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