Things I had hoped we could avoid when we had kids:

•  Calling poison control (because someone likes to eat anything colorful, including strange flowers.)
•  Having to explain to the 911 operator that my toddler had called her and that everything was fine (and then having to explain it to the cop who came by also.)
• Wiping my child’s snotty nose on my shirt (on the inside so that no one will see it)(though, of course, it is then touching my SKIN.)
• Having a small child shake her finger at me and say “No nono!” (while I am trying control my morning sickness and change a poopy diaper. It is child abuse if I say “She told me not to!”)
• Throwing a little fit because someone is always touching my things (because I am 4.)
• Considering pricing my child out to the gypsies (especially Minnie Driver.)