The longest short list ever.

Posted by in birth, List, My mother | 1 Comment

A short list of things I thought about writing a blog about, and maybe will, but not today. Today is for fair food and listening to the 13 unheard voicemails I have from this morning. (Not joking. One bit.)

  • How I love that Birth is about not only about empowering and healing women, but also about healing the rift between women – I get so sick of being pegged as militant and self righteous when I talk about our birth choices, when really, I just want to talk about this amazing experience we should all be in awe of! The play has so much potential to unite women, to start a discussion (not a war!) and to build a community, but again and again I find that people want to make it into drama. Go see it. Come see it in Spokane. Let me know what you think – am I being overly romantic about what is possible?
  • I’ve been thinking about all inclusive newborn stage, where you slog through on three hours of sleep, you eat anything that is set in front of you, and (as much as you love your child) you start to wonder why exactly you wanted them out so badly. You get through it because you know one day it will end, and you will have the time and space to be yourself again – what if you did not have that? What if you did not know that all the hard work you were doing every day would ever help, or if you would ever feel like yourself(not just someone’s mom) again? I have friends who have disabled children (of all sorts and severities) and it’s exhausting imagining how they just.keep.doing.it. without the promise that life will ever, ever get easier. They hope, they pray, they just keep on doing what they can. My respect for their determination, and their seemingly unending ability to make the best of the day, is overwhelming at times. I am lucky to have them in my life.
  • I changed my name this week – I have a new ID, a new social security card, and have been giving out my new name in interviews for the play. I didn’t think I would be as nonchalant about it, since for years my sister and I said “My husband will marry me, not adopt me” but the attachment I had to my old last name (which is now filling my previously empty middle name spot) ended a long time ago. The threads that connect me to my past feel less vital than they used to, and I am okay letting them go lax. The hardest part was making up a new signature in the 15 seconds I was given while getting a new ID (oh, and learning that no one is ever going to pronounce my name correctly again. Booo. )
  • That said, how to I post news articles about the play, to my public blog, without giving away my full name? Should I care? Am I being paranoid, or realistic?
  • My brother’s birthday is in a few weeks and I am reminded of how much I wish I could be a part of his life. I just keep telling myself that he knows to call me if he is in real trouble, but every few months I panic. I just can’t help it. He’s my brother, plain and simple.
  • I am thinking about going back to Oklahoma next spring (when baby is old enough to travel with, and Tom can get a few days off) to see family, and also pick up my mom’s ashes, if they are still in the black plastic box where I left them (with her boyfriend.) The entire prospect make me vibrate, and for all I know they have long since been spread (though I heard about a year ago that they were still there), but it will be 6 years ago this November. I think I am ready.
  • And because everyone else was doing it: My career matches
    1. Anthropologist
    2.  Historian
    3. Desktop Publisher
    4. Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator
    5. Animator
    6. Costume Designer
    7. Set Designer
    8. Artist
    9. Writer
    10. Website Designer
  • So basically, the internet agrees that I should just be a poor, artsy geek forever. Yeah, thats pretty much what I’ve been going for.

    Want to do it too?
    Go to www.careercruising.com.
    Put in Username: nycareers, Password: landmark.
    Take their “Career Matchmaker” questions.

One Response to The longest short list ever.

  1. Jenna says:

    All of my career choices were in photography, broadcasting or writing. Looks like I’m spot on, lol.

    I miss my old last name sometimes. But rarely. Mainly when I’m missing my family.

    Today was ALSO fair food day for the Hatfield clan. :)

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