I wish my thoughts were ever deliberate….

Posted by in birth, Cricket, List, Motherhood, pregnancy, travel | 3 Comments

God I love Fall. I love light sweaters and layers and socks and turning on the furnace and pumpkin spice everything. I almost bought a pumpkin at Safeway yesterday, but stopped myself because I know I have no time to carve it right now, but man, just the idea of pumpkin seeds gets me all atwitter. I love wearing brown and green and weaving leaves into my messy hippie hair. I love that the ground goes crunch, and that I can see my breath in the morning, but that by noon I can dare wear sandals and a t-shirt. I know there are places where it is summer year round, and winter year round, but where oh where is it Fall year round?

The play, and the entire birth fair*, was overwhelming, in every sense of the word. We had an overwhelming turnout (nearly twice what we were expecting, prompting a mad dash to steal chairs from neighboring rooms and ending up with people sitting in the aisles and standing all around the edges); I was overwhelmed by the support from every direction – friends, my little family, 200+ strangers all thanking me for putting my heart into something that feels so solitary sometimes. It renews my passion, and comforts me to know that even in my small, fairly conservative area, there are people of every walk of life, age, and gender that believes that this IS important – mothers are important. I was also overwhelmed physically, which is something I need to stop doing. I don’t know why I am so stubborn about accepting my limits, but now that the hard push is over (we have one smaller showing next week, without the fair/publicity) I am looking forward to being fat and lazy until December. Because we all know that I will be still and not take on a thousand more projects right? Ha.

(*Link is to the article in the local paper that sometimes lets you read for free, and sometimes is a jerk and asks for a subscription #. If you search from their homepage (birth play) you can usually read. )

Sarah, over at Deliberately Random Thoughts, linked to the new Iron and White cd that is free for listening over at Myspace right now. Ella and I are rocking out, as much as you can to slide guitars and soft spoken men named Sam. Which is to say: hard.

Cricket definitely dropped, or changed position, and my belly is suddenly a completely different shape, and my body is not very happy about it. My hips burn, I had a few days of mean contractions, and now I am just not sure where my center of gravity is. Oh parenthood – just when you think you have any of it figured out, they remind you that you are not in control.

I wish I had the motivation to use our free-flight-rights right now, since in about a month it will be too late for me to fly anywhere, but the idea of traveling with Ella, while pregnant, makes me so tired. Plus, we are really trying to live off of just when we are bringing in (rather than cashing out stocks since we have weaseled those down at an alarming rate, and would like to save a least some to pay for all this damn schooling we still plan) and renting a car, paying for food, etc, is just not in the budget. Hopefully Tom keeps this job until next summer, because by then baby will be old enough to put down for 10 minutes, and Ella (hopefully) be a bit easier to communicate with. And damn do I want to go see things outside of Spokane.

Enough randomness. I need to clean up this house and get things together to go to Knit Club in a while. And change a diaper, since Ella is yelling “Yuck! Yuck! Ewwwwwwww!” which can only mean one thing. Motherhood – so glamorous.

3 Responses to I wish my thoughts were ever deliberate….

  1. Sarah says:

    Your first paragraph sounds like it came straight out of my head. I was just telling my husband tonight that I felt so lucky to live somewhere where the seasons do change – it just feels so right and natural. But, I adore fall and I have found myself asking that very same question – Where is it fall year round? Someone once suggest San Fran but that is too urban for me. I want to live where I can wear a sweater and sandals all the time.

    I’m glad to hear that your play is taking off so well. Good luck with everything!

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  3. From LJ RSS Feed

    2007-09-23 08:27 pm UTC
    First if you feel the need to visit things outside Spokane, Chicago is nice! ;o) I mean after all we will have TWO kids the SAME age to entertain each other, haha

    Second, if you find somewhere where it is fall all the time let me know – it was in the 60′ a week ago and I was loving it and now it is nearly 90 degrees out there!!! seriously WTF?

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