I feel like I need to say something about the previous post, which I have taken down. I left it up for a few hours, and I kept coming back to it, trying to decide how to tack on a “But really ya’ll, things are okay, I just have hard moments where I feel like a big failure, but they thankfully pass quickly” on the end without it sounding trite and fake.
The nature of the blogging beast is that we get these little glimpses into each others lives, but sometimes a glimpse can color how the reader pictures the rest of your day, and I just couldn’t stand that anyone would think that I am walking around depressed, reading to walk into a river with rocks in my pockets. I finally feel like I am hitting my stride with these kids lately, and that the small steps I am making forward in my home management, and creativity, are things to be proud of. But then there are those moments…
Does everyone have those moments? I guess I don’t even know what is normal; whether a general feeling of worthlessness washes over everyone every so often. I know that for me, it is normal, but that being a wife and mother has magnified it. 3 years ago, if I was falling behind I could shrug it off and accept that the worst that could happen would be that I would have to start over on my own. Now, I have the most important people in the world depending on me to get it right, and I just can’t all the time. No one can, but it doesn’t make me any less angry at myself when I fail.
So, I wrote the post in the midst of a dark moment, only to turn around and look, there is that sunshine I was looking for.
And then the post just felt wrong, so I took it down. I do feel like I am drowning sometimes, but the focus of the post should have been on all the people in my life today who would have done more than just stand on the bank and shout. ‘Blessed’ doesn’t even begin to cover it. Thank you for rallying around me when I was small and weak.