The Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

since the comp won’t work if we turn it off, i will not turn it off again. is that really bad?

glad this day is over. just want to sleep. well, eat then sleep.

lisa works at the bakery now. and she’s raving about things i know. i smile and laugh.

my dad’s house got tore up in the quake i guess. sad. he lived right where it happened.

took us two hours and alot of sweat, but we pushed that damn thing up on to the trailer. one of the back wheels are locked up, so we literally pushed. me, an old constuction broad i love, and a chubby little girl i bought it from, pushing a chystler lazer up on a damn trailer.

but we did it

can’t wait till friday.

on top of everything, a friend comes to me and tells me how scared they are for another friend of ours, who is sliding so much deeper into an aditction. i have become so distant from this group but i can not let this go. so now i am faced with turning this person in and him hating me.

which in the long run won’t matter as long as he’s alive.

but it’s still hard.

supposed to meet my dad’s gal here at luch to go get my new car (body) but guess who isn’t here? hummm

happy earthquake day everybody.

wrote 3 posts yesterday but can’t find them anywhere, not in my history thing, not anywhere. bye bye posts.

what was in them you may ask?

parker fixed my comp.. well.. kinda. it works sometimes. ???? i don’t know, but atleast that’s sometimes, not never

i like track, glad i’m doing it.

glad for parker and shannon. you know i will be there to catch you, no matter which way you fall. into love or out, or just plain trip.

i still have to go find clothes, so i better go. later

angie read a ivory book today. made me blush and think

hehe

well, guess i’m doing it. wish it wasn’t going against what i decidede the other day. hate when i change my mind

saw parker last night. woo. was very happy. get to meet shannon this friday

last day of being a kid for angie. i opened loafers for her.

have had a meeting EVERYDAY the last two weeks at lunch. very sick of that.

buying a car tomorrow.

very ored. will write more later.

oh it feels good to laugh

Make It Last
stroke 9

the fire flickers out, making movies on her skin
and in the embers she remembers all the places that she’s been
four letter words fly from her mouth
she thinks she’s breaking ground
time takes it’s toll, she feels his soul
in everything around and I say

the way that you feel now
it’s cool as long as I know
the way it’s gonna be

make it last for an hour
we’ll never feel this way again
make it all that you want
and everything that I need

the booze reaches her blood
she forgets his name
the wood has turned to coal
but our desire feeds the flame
will we surrender to teh night?
or will our conscience win the fight?
she won’t regress, but can’t confess
that everything’s alright and I say

the way that you feel now
it’s cool as long as I know
the way it’s gonna be
it’s gonna take more
where we’re gonna go….

i wrote alot about fear a while back – a sort of study of a deseise of sorts.
i fear alot of things.Some impractical, like dreams the only excape from is cold sweat and twisted sheets. Some so very real, concreate and heavy.
A friend told me she feared so strongly she used to panic, and though it is so cliche’ i can truely say i know how she felt.

things i fear:

that i wil work in char burger (or the like) for the rest of my life
that i will never write anything worth while
graduation
learning how to drive a stick
pregnancy
saying things i don’t mean
college
lack of college
that i am a horrible actor
that i am a horrible friend
that sometimes i over step my boundries and put my two cents in where i don’t need to
that i am taking on to much responcibility
that percivel will not happen
being seen as fragile
being seen as to strong
being a snob
being everyones best friend
that the choices i make today will determine the rest of my life
my wisdom teeth
that i suck in track
i cry to much
i care to little
i cry to little
i care to much
i let down friends
i let my self down
i judge
i follow no real religion
i have no home

random sampling of what i know we all fear at some point.
i fear i will always fear