The Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

today i had my first real hit of homesickness. got to thinking about how i probably won’t get to go home this next weekend like planned, and how my little brother hasn’ t emailed me, and how i can’t get ahold of my parents, and that eli is finally walking and how lisa hasn’t called me at all, and so many other things. i just want to sit in my sisters living room and watch the matrix and talk about all the things that probably don’t matter in the real scheme of things, but let me know someone understands me. i want to walk over to the bakery and sit on the curb and watch main streeet, and laugh. i want to sit out on the deck and talk to brenda. i want to be able to walk around making my weird little mouth noises and not have to explain. i want to drive the mario andretti corners, and listen to daria and gustav in the mornings.

i miss my family so much. do not get me wrong, i am okay.. but it is hard. anyone can understand that i think……

i should not hang out with people who’s list of fun things to do include #1 drinking everyday #2 drinking everyday and then driving on gravel roads FAST #3 drinking everyday, driving fast, and shooting things.

i will never never never take my kids to see their father in jail

god is so awsome. i will post about this

my world is so small

so there are these girls in my dorm who are driving me NUTS. until close to 1 last night they were literally running around in circles (my dorm in a big beer can mind you) and laughing, and making boys chase them, and singing at the tops of their lungs to music i hate….. my neighbor on the other side called me, said she had already called our CA (like an RA, just a community advisor instead) an hour ago, and that another girl we know had asked them to be quiet 3 or 4 times. but still they ran and i could not study with them pounding on the walls, and i did not go to sleep till after 1, when i was so tired i had fallen asleep in class mind you. urrrrrrggggggg. and then i got up at 6 to get some homework done… so once again, i am exausted. *sigh*

i have 100 pages to read and 60 some math problems and a couple worksheets.. and all i want to do is go somewhere.

this is going to have some getting used to.

in other news: i just got back from a job interview. i start work on monday, the 8th. i will be calling alumni and asking for money. woo? it’ll be alright, i’m sure. nicole, a girl on my floor, is going to be working with me… plus i can go to work in my jammies.

so i am going to go read i guess. dante dante dante.. that’s all that haunts me.

…

yes. there is something nice about it all. but i wish i did not know it was wrong. *sigh*

so today , as far as classes go, is over. now, to do 30 + math problems, and read 100 pages of dantes inferno. i don’t have english tomorrow or friday, but have a meeting with him at 10:20. i am really impressed by his teaching style… alot like another teacher i respect. he ties so much into his classes… we learned handshakes today to teach community, we are going to watch documentries…. he just isn’t a english tacher. he is a teacher. you know? so anyways, i have a ton of homeowrk (ick) so i am gonna just hang out here i guess. call me later….

sorry all my messenger friends. my freeking server keeps blinking out, so i sign out and then come back . believe me, it’s getting old for me too.

went to my first class. i think i am going to love it. we’re starting out with dante’s inferno (one of my faves) and going on to 4 books I HAVE ALREADY READ. wooooooooo.

talked alot today about why there is a hell. i believe there is one, because the bible says so.. and i know that sounds nieve, but hey – it’s how i lead my life. you don’t have to like it. but pretty much everyone agreed we need a hell to scare us. whether it is society or god who is trying to keep us in line.. fear is the modivator.

there is a play that hell is 3 people in a room for eternity, and they can not stand each other. then there is the fire and demons idea. my thoughts ? hell is the absence of love, expecially of gods love. the absence of mercy and forgiveness.

so there is hell everyone. have fun.

there is something nice about waking up in someones arms, and then, as you roll out of bed, trying not to wake them, they reach out, and ask you where you are going. you look back, and realize how warm and safe you felt, and start to wonder if waking up was worth it. “i’ve got to get going.” you say, pulling on your shoes, and watch them struggle out of sleep enough to sit up and kiss you goodbye.

there is something nice about that.