The Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

speaking to a friend in the wee hours last night, we discussed what is our “type”.

leaves me wondering.what is your type?

shit. what is MY type?
it certainly can’t be assholes, but they sure do seem to think little blonds are theirs. *other than you, you know that. (k)*

somehow, i have decided to go to the one party i laughed at before today.

go hang out with the cute boy in the band? nope
or my bestfriend who i have bailed on for the last 3 new years? nope.
how bout the boys who’s house you never seem to leave latley? na.
artist boys from school? nu-uh.
hanging out with your bro like the last 12 years of your life? NO!
sitting at home? THANK GOD NO.

gonna go by some friends of ours whom we have not seen in ages, from high school. catch: college has changed these kids.

we shall see. we may just run by and then head to one of these other prospects, but it really sucks being under 21 on new years.

i’ve decided to get a fake identitity just so i can rent a place, and move before i ever have to clean it.
eat out of paper plates
drink out of the jug
steal clean clothes from the laundry mat.

basicly just never clean ever again.
i hate cleaning.

for what seems like a thousand years i was the ‘housekeeper’ in my fathers house, and then when i left, i have always tryed to be a help when it comes to someone elses house. my dorm was always nice, i don’t wear stinky cothes..

but it takes alot to make me get up and sort out my room, with clothes (“who the hell’s is this???”) strung every where and x-mas still lingering in wrapping paper and un finished projects.

i need to go get a bunch of my film developed. i wish i hadn’t taken the dark room for granted and just did all this then, but NOOOOO. it has just sat in my camera case for about a year now…
do i really want to see what is on that film???

watching mtv’s jack ass at 3 in the morning, listening to boys snore and thinking about going outside and sitting on the porch and watch it snow.

that pretty much sums up what i have been doing for what seems like a week.

tomorrow is new years. always leaves me with a feeling of distrust. this next year can be so much. but then i look back on 2001, i don’t see why it should be any different.

lets have a run down, eh?

jan. 1, 2001 – i wreck my car in a head on collision with a drunk teenager. still have not receicved $$$ from insurance.

may 5th – another birthday spent .. shit. sick.

june 9th – graduated, unsure about college.

june – found out my sister is pregnant again

august – went to oklahoma,, for what turned out to be the last time before my mom got sick

sept 5th – decided to go to EWU

sept 11th – the obvious, and also , got fired

sept 20th – left to cheney

oct. 15 – found out my mom had terminal cancer/quit school/went back to OK

nov. 15th- mom died

dec. 15th – finally got home

and through all this, i have been sick off and on to the point that i could not work or go to school at times. what is it? eh. who the hell knows. not the dr. thats for sure.
i know i’ll think of more things here. and i know how very pessimistic it sounds.
but i don’t care

i have no idea what i am doing tomorrow night. i have 4 diferent parties i am supposed to appear at, which will be impossible with the no car thing. probably just lay around here, hang out with these kids i love though they snore, and pray that this next year can NOT KILL ME.

i sit in front of the piano and rest my hands in almost forgotten positions, thinking of you, wishing i had listened.

“the other night dear,
as i was sleeping,
i drempt i held you in my arms.
when i awoken,
i was mistaken.
and i hung my head,
and i cried.”

i’d give anything to sit and listen to someone play music right now.

if you ever take my word on anything, it is that you should all go see STARS at the meow meow on jan. 12th, cause i won’t be able to….

their bad ass site.. download ‘krush’

trust me.

it’s been a long long time since i realy considered crying for JOY

YES JOY!!!!

got a call from my college today.
I”M GOING BACK

*does little dances around the room like a compleate idiot, but a HAPPY IDIOT*

somehow my fines went from $1,456.78 to $127.78

and IT”S ALL WORKING OUT.