The Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

whats your address? want some mail? i have lots of stamps. reply!!!

so much, so little, so few words to express it all.

I have been emailing back and forth with one of my brothers teachers, and it elicits so many emotions in my heart, mind, memory… i miss my brother so much. i wish i could of been more for him the last couple years, been the strong point he needs. been the friend whom he could be totally honest about all the crap in his life. been something more than just the sister. *type type erase*
i just wish better for him. i wish i could give that to him, and knowing i can’t is one of the most striking things in my life. i am mortal, and i can not save even those whom i love the most….

i hate yoga, mostly because i am not good at it. and my ego, being as controlling as it is, has decided that if i am not good at something, i should hate it. no, i am not quiting. just leting my body get used to something i can not do (etc, touch my forhead to my knees….)

i have to run, studying with heather for this astronomy class that is boggling us both. yay for tomorrow being my hell day!….. or not…

alright, so i decided that being a hermit is a bad thing, and left my room again today, only for food and the need for human contact. ended up going out last night to see some guys we know’s band, missed tiffany so much since life here just isn’t the same without her. come home tiff! but yeah, caught up with the rest of the group, met a few additions, saw a couple people i didn’t expect to see, and managed to stay sober the entire time. have i mentioned that being a good girl is getting old?
my room has become a mecca of my clothes and other people’s things. everyone that stops by lately seems to leave something, so yeah, come get your stuff. sad that everytime brad stops by i am either asleep of still in my pj’s, BUT, the pictures you leave on my board make me laugh, so yay for that.
not looking forward to class tomorrow, which is pitiful since i have only went to 3 days of class so far. yes, i am a slacker. i need to pick it up though, cause i can’t have a repeat of last quarters grades. (eak).
going home next weekend. ya

i have to say i am quite impressed with my ability to waste an entire day. other than the occasional phone call and my daring trip to go get something to eat, i have spent the entire day either asleep or watching lifetime movies about evil moms. why is it that on the network for women, all i ever see are tv movies about evil evil women? but while i am mildly confused, i am still drawn to true life movies. i don’t know why.

so anyways, it’s 5 something, and i somehow doubt i am going to do much tonight. laura called, and wants to do something, but considering the fact that neither of us can think of anything to DO, (other than the constant college answer “get drunk and do something dumb”) i figure i may just crawl back in bed when i get home and catch the second half of another gripping tale of love turned wrong. damn sociopaths.

went out and sat on top of the football stadium last night. if you don’t know what i am talking about, i can’t explain it (i have tryed). it’s obviously been discovered by someone else, considering the lawn chairs and empty tall boys littering the place, but i still just sat and stared at the stars, which are all slowly gaining names. i need to work on my astronomy homework one of these nights (charting the path of the moon) but somehow i always get caught up in the spaces between…….

i miss my family. all of it, not just my sis, bro, dad, eli & ean, brandon, mom, grandpa, etc, but also lisa, her mom, ang’s family, dane, all those people who have been my family when i didn’t have one.

so yeah, it’s a good chance, that if you read this, i miss you.

may go home and see my sis and her family this weekend after i die in surgery….. depends on alot of things, but cross your fingers….

okay, so i got my computer. got on for 10 minutes. moved my computer. NOW IT DOESN’T WORK. lamest thing ever. so any ways, if you are a computer genius, come over and help.

at ang’s now. going to…? i don’t know. just hang out and NOT be at EWu.

let me tell you what i think about college lately. it is a perpetual trip to the mall. you can NEVER get away from people. their voices, their music, their SMELLS. you can’t walk on campus without having to say ‘excuse me’ 5+ times. and me being the overly introvert when it comes to my personal life, this is annoying me. alot.

i miss dane. so much.

okay, i am going

alright, well, life will go on i suppose. trying to figure out my schedual still, find a job, save some $$, NOT take somuch pain meds that i am dizzy like no other, get used to being alone the majority of the time… really with no roommate and no dane, it is strange. quiet…

dane left for reals today. he ‘left’ yesterday, but got 45 miles away and came back. he has to go home and finish cleaning the house to move out, otherwise i have a feeling he never would of left. which would of been okay with me. the first night sleeping alone in almost 4 months. at least i have ted, the bear….

went out last night and realized how many people i DO know here. the majority of my converstions begin with “oh you were at that one party…” But i am still being a good girl, and not partaking in the madness. life seems easier this way.

laura never came out the other night, so she was supposed to come over today, HOPEFULLY bringing my comp and letting me use her fridge. slowy getting my dorm put together. but for all i know i am going to go home and have a roommate. eak

marina – i saw pami yesterday, and think i may switch to one of her classes. yay!

alright, so all i use my lj for anymore is to complain and whine, so if you are not in the mood to hear more (understandable) you should just skip this….

so at 3 this morning i wake up crying from pain, and my entire face is swollen. dane makes me take 2 of my pain pills (i am only supposed to take half of one) and i still don’t get back to sleep until 5. wake up at 7 crying again, but this time, not only because my head hurts, but because dane has to leave today. once again, he got me to go back to sleep. at 9:30 laura calls, she is coming to see me today at 3, which makes me happy, but then my Dr. calls and says we have to bump my surgry to october the 4th. so i cry, and cry and get sick and god my face hurts. so i take a pain pill plus some tylanol (how the h do you spell that?) and lay there until 10:45. go to yoga at 11, which i am having a hard time in already, since i can’t lean over without all the blood rushing to my face and me blacking out…. go to astonomy, which was cool because heather was in there, but the pain meds made it SO hard to concentrate…. go to theatre, and am told i have to go find another class because they are overfull, and all the fresh and sophmores have to leave…. so now i am in the library, trying to find a class on eagle net, and of course there is nothing. i am going to go home, cry some more, hopefully cash my check, go see my advisor… blah blah blah..

life was great last week….

just a note – i have to get all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled on thursday, possibly with no one to take care of me afterwards. sad. but yeah, swollen mouth, class tomorrow, dane leaving, …

life is dumb.

my # is 359 7707, btw.

hey! i am back.. or something. not really, since my heart will be leaving me soon, bt if you would like to see the shell of an ivory, she is back.

don’t know my phone # yet, which is alright, cause my phone doesn’t work. don’t have my computer yet, laura isn’t coming back to school, i don’t have a roommate yet, i have so much crap to do in the last couple days. miss my family sooo much. hopefully coming home next weekend. i don’t want to be at college, and my classes better be STUDENDOUS otherwise i am going to run away. really.

uhhh so yeah, i may call around tomorrow, maybe not. spending as much time as i can with dane before he has to go home.. although if i never get a roommate he should just live in my room and act like he goes here. hehehehe.

alright. going.
see you all around!