The Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

hahaha, so i was looking at my schedule, and impulsively dropped two classes, and added two others, and now my schedule looks like this:

so basically, on mondays and wednesdays i am done at 10 in the morn, and since mac doesn’t even want to have theatre on fridays, i am done on thursdays. weeee! yeah, tuesdays and thursdays may suck, but it won’t be to bad, since all my classes will be over in the arts and sciences complex, which is literally about 200 yards from my house. well, and spokane, but that will be easy. i have dreams in sign sometimes, which trips me out. i used to dream in french every once in a while when i was studying that, but in sign? weird.

i am excited for my art class. it’s just painting, but i have never really painted before. i am bound to learn something, so yay for that. being in class in the spring/summer won’t be near as bad when i get to paint and read plays and do sign and stuff. plus, having a 3 day weekend is awasome. i wish i could quit my job and just lay around in all my free time, but i figure i better keep it and try to save some $$ from it. this summer i am not for sure what i will be doing, or where i will be living, so a little money in the bank would be nice. if dane and i stay here, i won’t have gates $$ to pay rent, and dane isn’t getting worked alot at his job, so, yeah, cushion $$ may be neccissary…

what i really want to do this summer is just camp and live on beaches and be a bum for the summer. sadly, being a bum is expensive, but we’ll see. if i am going to do it in my life, now is the time, ya know? we all say we want to backpack across europe someday, but why not backpack across america?

i should go home and help dane clean house, maybe go do laundry. otherwise we would probably end up back at the best western again…..

back home, from home, don’t know when i will get to be home again….

sense my confusion?

first day of classes, things will be fine. i just have to decide whether i really want this 18 credit quarter, or whether i should take a break. last quarter i got a 3.7 with 3 300 level classes.. but this is spring. and it will soon be summer. and the likely hood of my going to class when its a perfect play outside day goes dramaticly down in the summer…..

got home last night to my wonderful dane .house was a mess, so we decided to go stay in a motel. we are rediculous. we get $$ and HAVE TO SPEND IT, to the point that instead of doing laundry and picking up, we leave and pay 70 bucks to sleep somewhere else. but they had cable and a 24 hour pool/spa, so it was great, until this morning when i had to get up, and go to school.

loads of things going on, i’m auditioning for the senior one acts in a couple days (tomorrow?) but right now i need to go stand in line for an hour to get books. yay.

whew. updating seems like so much trouble when you have been gone from a computer for a while…. woo for librarys that let you use the computer though….

still at home, spending today with my sis, and then leaving tomorrow at 10. have got to see just about no-one, but thats fine with me. spent the day with lisa the other day, and it was great. i miss her alot, but it’s nice to know we have a friendship that holds up the tests of time and distance and not to mention drama. other than that though, i have basicly just been in stevenson, playing with my sisters boys, just being happy to be here. i wish i could take my sister home with me. the people upstairs need to move out, and my sister move in. i decided. i hope i live close to my sister someday. with her, i never feel aqward. and this from someone who avoids most social contact because i feel aqward with everyone. yeah, it’s probably because she has seen me through alot of shit, and loves me anyways.. the fact that we have lived through the same tortures… the fact that despite the extreme distances in our lives, they are pretty much the same and we can laugh and bitch about them together…. yeah. it’s because she is my sister, and i am lucky to have her.

it’s beautiful outside, and i am so impressed. i come to the gorge and it’s sunny. how did i manage that?

alright, i am going to walk back down to the house, because there is a 12 year old boy next to me, looking up things on the internet that i HOPE he is using in some sex ed report. *shudder*

yay spring break. .. or something.

i am in the cyber lounge at school, and there are only 2 other people in here, and it took me a couple minutes to remember that , oh yeah, everyone else is off doing something cool. grrrr. it’sjust me and these two other geeks, hanging out in cheney. damn.

so anyway, today was the dreaded girlie appointment, and it went as well as can be expected. i treated myself to an all expence paid trip to goodwill afterwards, and bought clothes i don’t need. *shrug* i deserve something fun and unnecissary.

$75 to go home for 4 days, on the bus. worth it? maybe. i really really want to go home. chance called the other night when #1 i had been watching the ring and didn’t want to answer the phone. *shudder* and #2 had been drinking with dane to celebrate his job. It ws a rediculous conversation, but made me miss home even more. if i decide to leave it will be tonight or tomorrow morning, so if you don’t hearfrom me i have either gone or am hiding in my house for the remainder of the break.

dane should be home soon, so i will go and see what he thinks about me going away…

ivory’s Acceptance Speech for the Stupendous Animal Costume Design Oscar:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly breathe! I feel so horny! And this statue – it’s so full of chocolate! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to bow down before me and accept that even in my wildest hallucinations, I never would have fantasized that this could ever help me get laid so much. And to the other suck-ass nominees, I want each of you to know how totally mega-pumped your jealosy makes me feel right now!

(more…)

*sigh*

i am amazed at how we go on with our every day lives.

i don’t have alot to say. i’d rather not use lj as a political forum, and people close to me probably have an idea of what i think about the whole thing anyways, so i’ll just leave it alone.

but i will say that one of the most disturbing and moving memories of my life was watching my father find his friends names on the vietnamm memorial in D.C. … those men and women became real to me, became my fathers friends, not just names. i just hope we can all remember that the men and women and children lost in this war are real also. they have lives and hopes and fears. they are all real.

yay for 4.0′s and wonderful teachers, and early mornings and getting papers done, and yayayay for all of that.

now, yay for going home, sleeping till 1, and being happy through work, even though i hate it….
also, yay for dane maybe getting a job today. he went for an interview yesterday, and they told him they would know today. i worry if he doesn’t get it, he will take that as the last straw and never look for jobs again.
but yay or it being spring tomorrow

well. huh.
http://www.observer.co.uk/international/story/0,6903,915125,00.html
news report of a fish who speaks hebrew. makes sense.. in that crazy fish talking way…

alright, i have just wasted almost an hour reading journals and just puttering around on the internet… i am going home…

2 lines done in my paper, but i am listening to this iternet radio, and the song “Master Of the House” from les mis just came on, and can’t help but remember kenny (mcmitchell) and marina (marimay) and all you silly kids singing this ….

heh.

okay, back to paper. damn it.

i officially miss my sister a ton. 2000 pounds of missing my sister sitting on my heart.

i want to move home and camp in her yard.
i doubt my bro -in- law would much appreciate that. but i bet her two year old would LOVE it. he and his dad slept in a tent through part of the summer, so i bet he’d insist on it.

I am here in the lab to write a paper, and what am i doing? email. livejournal. pointlessness. come on ivory. one more day of modivation, and then you are DONE. you can do it you can do it….

do you remember being small – 4 or 5 at the most – and standing on the roofs of cars, sitting in the highest branch you could climb to, staring out into the world and realizing there is a whole other world, 6 feet from the ground?
thats how i feel in his arms.

i have started to like walking inthe morning, not only because it makes dane 4295723 times happier when i don’t wake him up for a ride, but also because it gives me time to think that nothing else can interupt. And today i couldn’t help but think about dane, and how much i love him…

angie wrote the other day about realizing she could, and would like to, spend the rest of her life with someone. and i feel that stir, and remember what it felt like when dane first told me he loved me. when he held me and everything in my life which had caused me so much pain didn’t even matter anymore, because he was there. and things would be alright. I can remember thinking “i could marry this man” and laughing to myself, because it just felt so strange to know i would, and that i will. Falling in love like this almost creates emotions – you never realized you could feel something like amazement at someones laugh, until you fall head first…

I am amazed that i can still be deleriously in love with him, giggling everytime i look up and he is there, looking back at me. i am amazed at how deeply i am touched when he brings me tea with just the right amount of honey. i am amazed by how well he knows my body, and how to hold me when we sleep. I am amazed by how much we have been through, and how much i am willing to give to him. I am amazed that he loves me.

living with someone can be so hard, because you are exposed to a lovers every flaw, every quirky habit, every snore and bad mood and insecurity. there is none of that mystery that dating holds, no where else to go when you are in a fight. you have to stay, work it out, heal deep wounds, and fall asleep next to that person again. But what is so wonderfull about it, is all of those things. you are there for every laugh, every room holds testements to your life together, around every corner could be a kiss. I am constantly learning new things about dane, after a zillion hours of conversation, he never ceases to amaze me. Living with someone is so easy sometimes, so seamless. i love waking up in his arms, knowing his smell, feeling his hair tickle my face. i love making dinner with him, and then giving in and helping with dishes too. i can’t imagine my life any other way…

i can’t believe i forget this all sometimes. i woke up this morning, mad at finals, angry at my body, upset by dreams, and got up reluctantly, to begin a day i wasn’t so excited to take part in. I stomped around the house, complained about things that have been broke for weeks and was likely my fault, and then stopped, woke dane up to tell him i was leaving, and realized how much i have to be happy for. he kissed me and told me that things will be alright, and from him, i could believe it. because he will be there, to make sure things are okay. he loves me, and that makes up for bad mornings, hard finals, confusing bodies and fear of whats next.

his love makes things okay.