The Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

so things are getting more real. Jessica, our friend who owns the mushroom picking business called this morning out of the blue. she’s so sweet. she wants dane and i to come out, and dane could help pick and stuff (he’s done it summers before, with his mom) and i could watch timo, jessica’s little boy. I just don’t know if dane wants me there. That sounds horrible, like we are having troubles, but we’re not. theres just an understanding lately, that if dane goes anywhere this summer, he’d kinda like to go alone. and i resect that. and jessica was his friend first. but damn it, i don’t want this summer to end up me sleeping on my sis’s couch (and i KNOW her husband wouldn’t be so keen on this either) and working at el rio, while dane is out playing in the woods and making real $$. i’m looking at summer camps, that maybe i could work at half the summer, and then take the $$ i make and be a bum in cali. or oklahoma. who knows.

so many papers to write in the next couple days. and yes, it is my fault for putting them off. but i am going to blame it on them. try and stop me.

well, it’s saturday, another exciting night of cleaning out my closets and throwing stuff away. i have to much crap. sell it on ebay? good idea. *note to self, check out digital camera on monday*

heh, so at least i’m not the oldest person in the world to have siblings 20+ years younger than them: sir paul and new wife to have baby and his kids are like 30. crazy old people. midlife crisis’s should not end in children.

i am at the school right now, and dane is at work. such is every night the last couple months. the closer it gets to summer summer the more antsy we are both getting.. cheney seems like prison right now, and to imagine spending the summer here..

so we are looking into other things to do. maybe apart. *shrug* dane has family friends who run a big mushroom picking business (legal mind you), that he can go work at, make money, party like he wants and play in the woods. and, other than friends and the library, i don’t have much holding me here either, for the summer. maybe go camp in my sisters backyard, maybe go sleep on the beaches all along hwy 101. dye my hair pink, space my ears, get my tattoo, get tan and be young. because i’m not going to be again. take out student loans, blow it all on a video camera and a season greyhound bus pass. go see my family, see the ocean. blow kisses into the wind and hope dane gets them.

amtrak 21 day cali rail pass = $159
small tent = $20-30
sleeping bag = have one
backpack (a good one) = $75-100 (ebaying it)
mess kit = $20
tazer = $10-40 (ebaying this too)

and other stuff. who knows. but i’d kinda like to have all of this anyways.

and now to write those papers that determine my grades. oh happy happy joy joy.

so why don’t we run away?

i can’t think of a good reason come june 13th.

but someone should buy me all these so i will survive. thanks.

Though you might hear laughin’, spinnin’, swingin’ madly across the sun,
It’s not aimed at anyone, it’s just escapin’ on the run
And but for the sky there are no fences facin’.
And if you hear vague traces of skippin’ reels of rhyme
To your tambourine in time, it’s just a ragged clown behind,
I wouldn’t pay it any mind, it’s just a shadow you’re
Seein’ that he’s chasing.

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you.

Then take me disappearin’ through the smoke rings of my mind,
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves,
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach,
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you.

for once i am so glad to be at work

why?

because we have air conditioning!!!!!!

it’s been a pretty good day. got up early-ish to go fishing, played at the lake all day. rowed a boat around the lake, and it amazingly didn’t end up with us both in the water. the sun hated me though. somehow SPF 45 (the highest i could even find damn it) didn’t keep me from busting into flames.

damn i will hurt later.

but for now, work

i changed my scedule… yayayayayaya

no one cares about this, i know. but i am HAPPYYYYY

comd 304 – 9 every day
comd 371 – 10 every day
econ 100 – 11 every day
comd 301 – 12 every day
cedp 17something (teaching) – wednesdays 1-3

crazy hard, but much better. yay for declaring. you are looking at a future speech pathologist. woo. \

whoa. so i have a little sister now – tillie marie. she was born last night i guess. my sister just called and let me know.

*random thoughts about this*

how many times will it take before i answer “three” instead of “two” when people ask how many siblings i have, without having to think about it.

my dad has girlie sperm.

my sisters kids only family members near their age (please god) will be their aunt.

could harry of had such good kharma to be reincarnated as a little girl?

danes little sister turns one on sunday. i can just imagine in 15 years when both our sisters come to visit us for the summer, and they cause all KINDS of trouble together. but we can have a joint b-day party for them, which is kinda cool.

i have a little sister?
weird weird weird.

i may try to go out and see them in the next couple weeks.. probably have to ride the bus since dane works weird days and what not. i really do have mixed feelings about the whole thing (anxious and scared that she won’t get to be a part of my life alot VS. the “yay for little sisters!” instinct) but i supose i should just make the most of it, and realize that i can’t do a damn thing anywyas.

i have a little sister. welcome tillie. you’re named after our grandma. she would be 96 now. tillie, ivory, chance and luke. the freeman kids.

weird.

my hamster died last night. we don’t know what happened. i cryed.alot. poor harry-bo-berry.

*sigh*

so now i am in spokane, waiting to tour the health and science building, and meet another of the directors of my program. on the way here i met the 15 year old of my dreams, which sounds weird, but it’s not really. he was on the bus, taking his little bro to school, and we talked. he knew sign, so we signed, between our giggling because neither of us were very good. he was just a cool kid.

for the first time yesterday i had to put down my age on something and i had to erase the 19 and put 20. it’ll happen until about april of next year, so that when i finally get my age right it changes again, but whoa. i’m old.

i was sewing on the bus. the cool kid i met (did i even get his name?)estimated my age at 29. his little bro thought i was a teacher. what?

and now for a picture of a haster that,though it is not harry, could be. sorry buddy.

know what i’d love?

to run away.

layed on the kitchen floor with dane, using our bags of clean clothes as pillows, tlaking about money and summer and work and such.. i just want to leave to africa on a vollenteer thing someoene told me about, and live LIFE. i cna talk all i want about how sick i am of taking life for granted – of making all my small problems into big ones, but until i really do somethinhg i am just a middle class white girl who thinks her life is soooo horrible, when to SO many people in the world i am richer than they can even imagine. millions of people live off less than a dollor a day. A DOLLOR> and i buy my soda, and complain that all we have to eat at home is fresh clean water that will not kill me, vegitables that are not rotten, candy that is unimaginable to so many people…

i just want to run away and actually DO SOMETHING> instead of wating another day putting books away.

*run away with me

things i like :
1.rolling down hills on nice days.
2.drunken-ness
3.having $$
4.having a beautiful clean house
5.having worthwhile conversations
6. sleeping through all my classes
7.seeing people i miss
8.eating organic healthy food
9. coffee
10. being told i am pretty

things i don’t like:
1.being all ichy from the grass getting in my shirt when i roll down hills.
2.not being 21 and there for legal to drink AND this damn nagging consciencness of mine that says “ivorryyyy… you shouldn’t be drinnnkkinggg…” all girly like. screw you conscious. if you were really mine, you would sound like mr. t not june cleaver. you must be someone elses. bugger off.
3.having to work at the library for $$
4.landlords who call and say “clean your house, someone is coming to look at it” (we are moving into a differnt apt in the same complex, so he’s trying to rent ours out)
5.saying dumb ass things. but i’m good at it, so maybe i will market it as a service.
6. missing out on important notes for important tests that are tomorrow
7. realizing you never really had that great of a friendship with that person you missed, and then when you see them, you have nothing really to talk about.
8. how freeking much healthy food costs. organic yummy salad made from scratch = $3 dollors. salad in a bag= 79 cents.
9. the fact that coffee after dinner = me laying awake in bed at 1, cursing juan valdez.
10. being told i am pretty, but if i just did something with my hair.. and my legs… and wore some makeup…

btw – finally got to schedule. next fall is going to SUCK. i am going from 300 level classes in my major, to OH JOY I FORGOT ABOUT GECRS 100 level classes. *puke* not that i’m all above it, but damn. could this get any lamer?

HIST-110 AMERICAN EXPERIENCE tuesdays and thursdays
ECON-100 GENERAL ED ECONOMICS every freeking day
GEOL-100 DISCOVERING GEOLOGY again.. every freeking day
and then i am teaching that sex class. it’s really called “high risk behavior” and does focus on things like drinking and stuff too, but then we get to test different kinds of condoms with broom handles, and that is what sticks with you. (anything with spermicide breaks first, and then, suprisigly, the worst brand we found was trojan…) but anyways, thats on wednesdays.

lamest schedule ever. i’m looking at doing interpreter training at the falls also, but we’ll see.

so yeah, i think since i got rid of my fake conscience i am going to see if ang wants to come out and drink with me. yay for drunken-ness.