The Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

Well kids, we survived NaBloPoMo, and in the process.. well, nothing really. No after school special moral to be found here, except maybe that quality is a better goal than quantity.

One of my goals with writing every day of this month was to record this last few weeks of pregnancy, with the sly thought that maybe Cricket would come a little early and be born IN November. Heck, I even did a Day in the Life of our family the other day with the thought that hey – maybe baby will be born today and we will have a record of that day in it’s entirety. But no. Tomorrow is December, and in 3 days is our “due date” which means a whole lot of squat regardless, but even less since we had so little to base it on.

Here is what we had: A positive pregnancy test on March 25th, and the understanding that it takes at least 10 days to get a positive. That’s it. No dating ultrasound, my measurements have never really added up (measured huge at first, now we measure small), nada. Since we all knew there was a good chance that I had not tested on the very first day I could have gotten a positive, Midwife Cathy, Tom and I all agreed that the resulting “estimated due date” of Dec. 3rd was on the late side of “due” but that anything between mid-November the first few weeks of December was possible, and that we were all comfortable with just leaving it up to baby when they came. We gave family either a vague answer of “early December” or, if pressed, December 15th, because really – baby has to be here by then, right? Right?

So. Hello December. I am trying to stay positive, to be patient and to regain my zen. Besides, you would think that 15+ hours of one-on-one toddler time today (with 4 more similar days on the immediate horizon) would convince me to keep my legs together and thank my lucky stars that I don’t already have a newborn adding to the chaos.

Well, at least tomorrow I will be able to take a break from blogging. Not that I will, but I could.

No baby. Go about your normal Friday business. Real update later.

2006 & 2007

Ella was dumbstruck by Santa again this year, and refused to talk to him, though as she walked away she yelled back “Bubbles!” so at least now I know what to get her. Of course the pictures are blah – I took a couple from the sidelines where Santa does not look quite so preoccupied by dreams of sugar plum faeries, but all in all, another precious family memory attempted and thwarted by a bearded man.

In other news, I am having a hard time focusing on making a post because Aaarggggggg contractions hurt. A part of me is excited because Yay maybe it’s baby day! but the other part is just annoyed that the entire thing is not more precise. I would be a gazillionaire if I could develop a home “Am I in labor?” test, which would then surpass the current “Most advanced piece of technology you will ever pee on” because mine will play 90′s alternative hit music depending on the results. *In a better headspace I would come up with witty options, but it’s not going to happen tonight.*

So, uh, get on developing that test already, will ya? I’ll update if anything exciting happens , otherwise assume I am sleeping or eating nachos. Mmmm Nachos.

We had an appointment today with a photographer, who, of course, canceled at the last minute. “Can we reschedule for next week, maybe Friday?” she asked, and I laughed one of those loud BWAH! laughs because oh honey, if I am still pregnant next Friday, by all means we can meet up, but I may not be in the best mood.

So, instead of being annoyed or upset about missing out on capturing this pregnancy on film, I did my hair, put Ella in a tutu and took advantage of the technicolor paint choices we used all over this house.

I still have to download and go through another batch of them (and will likely take more tomorrow while Tom is home and can help me, rather than depending on the timer), but these are a few of my favorites so far. They are far from professional, and hell, if I am still pregnant next Friday I will happily have someone with some talent direct me in how to hold me head so that I do not have a double chin, but for now, I am glad we took the morning to play.

So, now Cricket, now you can come. Really. Your dad is home tomorrow, we have the pool all set up, I even have new sheets on the bed. Take your time, make a grand entrance, but know that now – now I am ready to meet you. Also: Please please stop elbow dropping my bladder.

Love, Mom.

Lando Calrissian says “Isn’t NaBloPoMo over yet? No? Shit, she’s going to post something pointless for the 27th day in a row. Probably post some picture of her kid, something about birth, or some stupid craft. Or, let me guess, she is tired and still pregnant and wants to share the suspense with you. But just smile and nod, she’ll go away soon. December is coming, and that kid has to be born soon, so maybe we will get a break. One thing I can say for her though, she’s the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy, if ya know what I mean.”

Reading: Tom Robbin’s Villa Incognito

Listening to: Renee and Jeremy’s Big World CD

Trying to: Decide how annoyed I should be at having to ask Tom to help me lately, and how much if this I want to share with the world wide internets. Probably just that line, since tomorrow I will feel like an ass for complaining.

Feeling: Like I may fall over if I lean forward. 

Digesting: Frozen watermelon. Mmmm.

Not: contracting, or going into labor, ever ever. Bah.

Wishing: I had yoga every day.

Going: to bed.

I *heart* my camcorder – I spent the last few hours tinkering with it and the oh so stylish Windows Movie Maker, and am half convinced that maybe I’ll just start video casting my blog. But.. then I would have to put on pants more often, which sounds hard, so.. no.

For the record, there will be no webcasting of Cricket’s birth – if all goes well and I don’t look like a jackass for parts of it, I may make a small video afterwards, but let it be known: My Vagina will never grace the internet with its presence! I know, I know, you are all so disappointed, but I thought I would break the news to you now, so that you have time to process it and come to terms.

But as a consolation prize, I made you this video.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8BAmmFTQNI&rel=1]

Today is a lazy Sunday, where Tom only works one full time shift instead of his regular two. He is talking about quitting Job A (which has good benefits but has become increasingly poorly managed and has put he and a few coworkers in very dangerous situations) and just working Job B for a while, while applying for a few much-more-ideal jobs. Of course this sounds lovely to me, since the more he is home in the next month, the less likely I am to become stuck in screamy-mom-mode, but it also scares the crap out of me, since hello impulse buyer. Anyone know of a job where I can make $2957456 a day, do nothing, and not have to think? Let me know, I’m perfect for the job!

I’m to that point in pregnancy where every morning I wake up excited that *today could be the day* and every night I go to bed vaguely feeling like I’ve been stood up. Also, every time I get a project finished, I think “Okay Cricket, now you can come out. We are ready now,” as if she is just being polite and waiting until I get a new camcorder. How quaint of her.

Hey, did you see me totally try to play down the fact that I have a new camcorder?! WeeHaw! I can’t help it, I am too excited to be humble. It’s more camera than I planned to buy, but we made a food run to Costco yesterday, and somehow walked out with our family Christmas present. Tom is a huge impulse buyer, so I should have known when he wandered over to the camcorders that we would be walking out with one, but at least Costco will let me bring it back in 89 days because OMG I don’t need this, take it back, take it back.
Of course I can’t hook it up to my computer yet though. Tom ‘fixed’ my computer yesterday, which means he took off the back, vacuumed it out (rattle rattle goes a few extra screws into the hose) and turned it on. Viola, it works, but in it’s utter ghetto-ness it does not have the card (driver? port? what?) that I need to hook my camera up to it, so he is picking one up today between shifts. I have been video taping my feet all day, playing with the different functions, so expect some A+ videos soon. They will be thrilling.

So now Cricket, now you can come out. Doooo it. This impatience hit me just in the last few days really, and compared to how miserable I was at the end of my last pregnancy, I am still pretty tame in my whining. I still feel physically really good – I actually enjoy the sporadic contractions I’ve been having for weeks, because YAY progress, we are going somewhere! I’m sleeping decently, I am eating constantly, my back feels good, my feet don’t swell, I am able to deal with the hip pain through yoga – physically, we are still golden. But it’s just the anticipation that is killing me. I am so ready to know whether this kid really IS a girl, or if the tiny pink gloves I made the other day will have to be shipped off to a friend. I am excited for birth, to feel that rush of Mama-wolf-power and bring my child into the world. I’m done worrying about how Ella is going to adjust – she just will, and I am ready to start that process rather than waiting to see how it goes. I want Cricket to be born before we get within a day or two of Ella’s birthday. I want to hold my kiddo and smell the back of her neck. I’m just ready.

I just jinxed myself into delivering somewhere near Christmas, huh?

Of course, some of this is spurned on by the fact that a very favorite blogger friend of mine is giving birth to her son right now, and I am a wee bit jealous since our due dates were 1 day apart.  Come on baby! If someone other than me gets to bask in that new-mama glow, than at least it is someone I like. I will wait to link to her until after she makes the announcement, but ooooh that first baby picture is going to kill me.

Has anyone been keeping track? Is the the fifth or sixth Blue Sceen of Death I’ve had this year? I’ve gotten to the point where I do not even save anything on my hardrive, but it still makes smoke come out of my ears when, 10 seconds into reading my blogroll, everything goes dark. Luckly we are not one of those old-school one-computer households (*rolls eyes at self*), and I can use Tom’s while he is not on it, but where in the past I  would have demanded he fix it as soon as he walks in the door, I’m not sure if I am even going to bother. Poop on that computer, and all the time I’ve wasted on it. I will still be here, and on the few boards I read daily, but as life moves closer to choas every day, maybe I will let the box sit there and gather dust.

*twiddles thumbs*

I wonder what is on TV…..

Do you know Hathor? Here are a couple of my very favorite comics of hers over the last few years, but I will keep it short – it would be easy to let the list get toooo long.

Ella somehow killed all the bookmarks on my computer, so I am slowly repopulating the list. As frustrated as I was at first, there were over 500 links saved and only 10 of them were used regularly, so I am looking at it as a forced simplification. Now if I would just stop bookmarking random things because “I’ll get around to reading it/making it/sharing it someday.” Bookmarked today: Origami boxes broadcloth baby quilts MotherRising: A guide to blessingways

I was going to write up a “I am thankful” post today, but I think it is pretty self evident what I am thankful for : I am thankful for my daughter’s laughter, and my body’s ability to grow these amazing people I am blessed to raise. I am thankful for my husband, who never ceases to surprise me with his generosity, patience and humor. I am thankful that I gave myself the chance to reach this place in my life. I am thankful I did not write an entire post about this because I am kneedeep in sap already and it’s only been a paragraph. Aaaaamen.