The Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

You’d probably think I was joking of I told you I have $50 worth of these stashed away in a secret place in my house, huh?

Dude, they have to last me all year. If I told Tom where they are (or, you know, shared) I may run the risk of running out, and then what would I pop in my mouth right before I took a sip of hot black coffee?

(The link above is to one of my favorite blogs, even though I rarely eat candy anymore, because of my wussy teeth. (Eggs don’t count, they are eggs. Eggs = Healthy.) Click over and waste your kid’s naptime like I do every day.

So I had an entire post written about how much we love our local children’s museum (Because we do! We do!) and along came Ella who, after begging to sit in my lap, leaned over and delicately (and deliberately) poked the reset button on my computer tower. She cackled, jumped down, and hid in her room.

It’s a good thing she is going to make me rich with her amazing singing voice. What, moms always make great show business managers right?

[vimeo 734898]

Side note: Anyone local up for an every-other month pARTy? Maybe I’ll propose it to our little playgroup. Or maybe THIS is how I am going to make my millions (MWAHAHAHAHA)! (ha.)

We had our last ‘official’ meeting with Cathy the midwife the other day, and she brought by the sweetest little book for Alice.

It’s this book from WA paper-cut artist Nikki McClure, and in a quick google search of her art, I found this baby book, which I am buying for Alice (and considering buying for Ella, and just going back and filling things in).

Cathy did Alice’s footprints at our first postpartum visit, and then wrote a sweet little birth story and blessing on the inside cover. It reminded me that I have still not posted Alice’s birth story here, and to tell you the truth it feels silly posting it now. She will be three months old on the 8th (how did that happen?) – is anyone still interested in reading about this? If anyone wants to pick my brain about it, I love talking about it, but it just feels weird to post the story on some arbitrary day, like “Hey, how’s it going, here’s a story about my vagina! one of the most important events in my life!”

Perhaps I will wait until her first birthday to post it.

During our visit with Cathy, I realized again how glad I am that we hired her, and that I took the time to get to know her. I’ve certainly never walked away from another medical relationship feeling like I’ve gained a friend and mentor, and I feel blessed that I stumbled on someone who is willing to be both. She inspires me to listen to that little voice in my gut that believes that women deserve the option to trust themselves. No, not everyone wants the kind of birth we had, and no, not everyone would be safe birthing at home. But why is it not an option- a real, attainable, accepted option – for those of us who do? Over the last year, I have been given the kind of care that women deserve, and seeing this kind of midwifery in practice makes me giddy about the prospect of offering this kind of care to other mothers.

So, I am doing research. I am comparing midwifery schools, trying to decide if being a CNM (and the years of nursing school) would be worth it, trying to envision how I could start this process in the next five years, with the end goal being finished in ten. So much (everything!) can change in the next few years, but right now this feels like the path I need to be on. Tom is behind me onebazillion percent, and kind of laughs every few months when I bring this up as if it is a new idea (“You know what I think I should do, once the girls are not so tiny?” “Look at ladies hoohas?” “Yup. “) but agreeing that it would be great, and actually finding a way to make it happen are two very different things. I can’t get serious about attending births until the girls are older, and financially, Tom should be the one to go back to school first to be able to use his degrees as more than wall hangings. But eventually, the girls are going to be able to wipe their own bums, Tom is going to be working in a career he loves, and I am going to be looking in the mirror asking “What’s next?”

Right now it’s either this, or writing that bestselling book of poetry.(Quick, how many of these do you own?)

Which is to say: it’s this.

We are a babywearing family. A lot like cosleeping, cloth diapering, natural birth, etc, babywearing was just something we fell into without realizing it was seen as the “Hippie” way of parenting. While I do not think we are perfect parents by any stretch of the imagination, I am proud that we have followed our gut on these things, often in a state of ignorance. They felt right to us, and while a lot of research and reading often came before I could stop second guessing myself, the initial choice to wear our kids came from the simple question of “What would I want if I were her?” I would want to be close, I would want to be warm, I would want to feel involved. So, we wore Ella nearly constantly as an infant,

and well into her first year.

Heck, I even wore her with I was 40 weeks pregnant.

So it’s no surprise that our sling is indispensable with Alice. When family came over for Ella’s 2nd birthday, not 24 hours after Alice was born, I popped her into a sling and set about slicing cake and refilling water glasses. I really have no idea how parents of toddlers handle a newborn without a sling – Ella and I can play trains, read books, go for walks, and dance, all while Alice is eating, sleeping, or just hanging out, content and excited to be part of the action.

If I had to sit down every time Alice wanted to eat or cuddle, I would do nothing BUT sit. Which, uh, doesn’t work with toddlers. Alice is always in the sling when I am folding laundry or sewing, and (miracle of miracles) I actually have two hands to do these things. I really have no clue how parents do it without a sling.

For the most part, all of our slings are second hand, or homemade. I have had great luck at thrift stores and resale shops, and until recently, never paid more than $10 for a sling. We are fans of pouch slings, but have tried just about every type of sling. (Including these beautiful slings that my friend Sarita makes. Sososo beautiful.) Truth is, I’m a klutz, and if there is a belt or buckle to forget to do or to adjust wrong, I probably will. With a pouch it’s just slip on and go, which I love. I don’t have a favorite sling brand, and have found that most pouch slings are interchangeable as far as pattern (though workmanship does vary). I’ve made a number of slings from this pattern, and also made a few based on tracing around another sling I like and then making my own pattern. There are tons of patterns here, and if you know how to use a sewing machine, this is one of the simplest baby products you can make (and so so so much more useful than most.)

Our go-to sling with a newborn has always been a New Native I found at Goodwill for $3. I’m a small person, so I need a small sling to bring a newborn up high enough to nurse, and this sling is perfect for this stage. With some creative clothing choice, I can easily nurse in public with this sling and never be noticed. Like in this picture:

And since all newborns do it eat, it’s a good idea to have a sling you are comfortable nursing in.

Once they get a bit more head control and we have the hang of nursing, I like to use a nameless stripy sling that was way way to big when I bought it at Other Mothers, but that I zipped through my serger and fits like a S/M now.

I also recently bought a Gorgeousbaby sling from Firemom, and have been wearing it everywhere and getting so many compliments from people. It’s beautiful, fits great, and may bump the stripy sling back to the closet.

With Ella, once she got heavier, we liked another thrift store find, a Hip Hugger. Tom really prefers this sling, and asked the other day when we can use this sling again (it’s the denim one he is wearing above). It’s washed and waiting, but is really best for the 6+ month crowd.

And really, I wrote this entire post (over the course of two days, sorry if it’s choppy), so that I could post this picture of Ella. After hanging out in the new sling while I did dishes and sorted diaper laundry, she begged for a sling of her own. I tied a piece of fabric together, and Ella wore her baby around, dancing with her, patting her back, and talking to her the way I did when Ella was tiny, and like I do with Alice now. Babywearing isn’t for everyone, but for us, wearing our babies is just another way to show them our love. It’s good to see that it is sinking in.

I have three lengthy posts I want to make, but the funny thing about cutting your toddler’s TV time to a third of what it used to be, is that your computer time also gets cut to a third. Hmm. So for today, a quick list:

I like yaks!

This book makes me cry every single time I read it. I’m the first to admit that the mother/daughter continuum is a emotional place for me, but this book manages to bore to the center of that emotion by the third page. It’s beautifully illustrated, and I think it would be a lovely gift for any new moms out there.

And while we are talking about books, this one was a grab-it-off-the-library-shelf book, and it wasn’t until we got home that we realized it’s all about how animals (including humans!) nurse their babies. Very cute.

I have three projects to finish before I’ve given myself permission to start this little knitted dress(pdf).

Sarah Jane’s post about perspective is worth bookmarking and rereading on the rough days. The blessings abound when I let myself see them as such.

And because I promised Firemom over in this post she made about her post-baby body: a photo of my belly, after two babies and at least 458 cupcakes. I can’t bring myself to post the picture here, since I don’t want to see it every time I scroll down, but there it is if you want to click. I grew up in a house where anything over a size 2 jeans was ‘fat’, and smoking (and the risk of cancer) was a fair tradeoff for keeping the weight off. I think I’ve come a long way from that mindset, but it still sneaks up with me when I am in the shower and my hands do not recognize my own body.

These little girls are worth it though.

 And in case anyone is still here, and not over on Flickr snickering at my flub, want to play Scrabble with me?

Because today is a list-kind-of-day, and I’ve been meaning to jot these down before I forget:

Books finished in 2008:

1. Short Bus
2. Leaper
3. When a Gene Makes You Smell Like a Fish
4. The Center Cannot Hold
5. Logorrhea
6. The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2007
7. Pigs in Heaven
8. Into the Minds of Babes: How Screen Time Affects Children from Birth to Age Five ( I plan to write about this one soon)
9. Waterbaby
10. O My America!
11. Whose World Is This?
12. Larry’s Party

I think there are one or two I have forgotten and I may have to add later, but I think that’s a pretty respectable list for now. I’m still undecided about adding books of poetry (since technically they only take a couple hours to read, but since I reread them over and over and think about them all day long, maybe the hours can be counted…) but maybe they deserve their own list. I also have four “In progress” books on my desk right now, and two “I couldn’t get past page 30″ in a bag by the door.

Is it any wonder that Tom and I are considering buying a used book store? (More on this if anything comes of it. We are currently requesting the accounting books and lord knows what we will find there.)

Passing on the geeky genes.

Dear bloggyladies,

Cookie?

Oh, and if anyone wants to teach my mom CSS in a day, she could use the help, ye of beautiful code.

But not today. Sister is still sick, I am being a crab, and mom’s not feeling so hot herself. So we may not be around much for a few days. Have a nice weekend though, and when you get back, I will have a present for you. In my diaper. Hardeeharhar I have my dad’s sense of humor.

Love,

Alice.

Alice had a well-baby visit today, and she is now 11lbs 8oz, which is less than I thought, but still an average of 7.4 oz a week (thank you kellymom calculator!) She is also almost 25 inches long now, which in total makes her HUGE. I keep trying to convince her to just stay little, but she scoffs in my general direction and then laughs at the cat. Laughs! I blinked and newborn Alice is gone. If only I had taken 700 pictures in the first 9 weeks of her life. Oh wait.

And then at about 7 tonight, Ella suddenly stopped playing, turned to her dad and asked for a hug. Of course he leaned down to give her one, and ended up wearing everything Ella had eaten today. Oh dear. She is not running a fever, but can’t keep anything down, and is just generally miserable. She came with us to the Dr.’s office today (and to the grocery store AND a kid’s clothes store, and did AWESOME) so I wonder if she licked a toy in the waiting room and caught yet another bug. This is me shaking my fist at the sky and asking WHYYYY we have been so sick this year, and also PLEASSSEEEE don’t let the rest of us get it.

It’s 1am, and I am going to go lay some towels down on her bed, and try and get some sleep with her. Happy Valentines, I got you a puke bowl.

(Originally uploaded by valart2008 on flickr)

Thank you for all of your commiseration and tips yesterday – I have to admit I was modified that I was that mom with the screaming kid, and took it more personally than I should have. One of the hardest things about raising a toddler, for me, is not feeling like she is my adversary. She starts to tantrum, and I switch into “Why does she hate me?” mode, and it all goes downhill from there. I have to remind myself that we’re in this together, and neither of us have done this before. We’re going to make mistakes. It’s her job to test her boundaries, and it’s my job to help her navigate and cope with these new emotions and experiences. She is not doing this to drive me insane. That is just a lucky byproduct.

We went out today and had a wonderful time, with only minor hiccups, and I realized that part of my problem is that I need two different strategies – one for places she wants to stay, and one for places she wants to leave. I’ve been trying to apply my “Get up and leave” strategy to both, which doesn’t really fit. If we are at the children’s museum and I tell her we will leave if she can’t be nice, then she controls herself (proof to me that she can do it). If we are at the grocery store, which she hates, and I threaten to leave, she amps it up so that we do leave. So for the fun places, I agree with all of you: fit=leaving. No questions. But what about places she just wants to force us out the door?

Tom and I both like Karen’s comment on the previous post, about having Ella help us make the grocery list (with pictures) , and then having her help us find the things in the pictures, so we are going to try that the next time. Also, my friend Jodie shared that her daughter likes to “Hug it out” when she is frustrated, which I love – I wonder how much of Ella’s new tantruming is a symptom of her feeling overlooked. I’m paying attention to my list, Alice gets to be in the sling, we are in a situation where Ella knows I will have to pay attention to her if she throws a fit (where at home she just gets put in her room) – sounds like perfect storm right there.

Bah. I’ll let you know how this progresses. If you have more tips, let me know. It’s all trial and error parenting here in Casa Marfil.

And just to give myself a little “you are doing something right” pat on the back, I read a tip over on parenthacks the other day that has made getting Ella dressed much easier.

For a while the old “Which shirt do you want to wear, the red one or the blue one?” trick was working, but apparently the correct answer to that is now “NONONONO”. Per the hack, I separated her clothes into separate color bins (plus one night clothes bin, and a cold day bin), and each morning I put one on the floor and let her pick out a pair of pants, a shirt, and whatever accessories she wants. She looks cute, we have fun playing dress up, and (for now) we are not fighting every time she needs to put on clothes (which isn’t all that often around here anyway).

*

And because I am a lemming: What is in your bag?

(Click over to flickr for notes on what everything is. This is what it looks like when everything is packed away in their own little bags and shoved into the big one. At least it is organized…)

Now show me what you haul around!

Wow. So today kind of sucked. Between the massive tantrum at Costco (which ended with me sitting outside in the cold wind with Alice in the sling, and Ella throwing herself out of her wagon onto the concrete, screaming that I hurt her  when I caught her to keep her from cracking her skull – loved that part) and the arguing with the husband about something that I thought was done being an issue, but apparently is not, I’ve been ready for bed since about 11am. But here it is, 6pm, and I am on my bagillionth cup of coffee, wondering why I don’t have the energy to clean  my damn house.

So how about some links?

Homemade poptarts. Oh yes. I am going to hippiefy this recipe and we will have a 4th option for easy breakfast (currently: oatmeal, flax waffles, or eggs. I can hear you all at the door, begging for a breakfast invitation.)

$1 hosting from Surpass Hosting. I’m jumping on this and moving the ol’ bloggidyblogblog to my own domain soon, so that I can play with design.  *twiddles thumbs until Thursday*

This + This = just say “No” to babies. Except, oh my goodness, last time I wrote in my blog that we were not having any more babies for a while I was already 3 days knocked up. Nonononono. After a day like today, that wouldn’t even be funny.

I desperately want my hair this color.

A great article about infant constipation. You’re welcome.

Worldometers. Happy birthday to the 280,987.. 280, 988, 280,989 new people today!

Preschool craft site, for when it is 9am and I’m already out of ideas.

And if you are still reading, what is your plan-of-action when your toddler freaks out in a store? It’s happened to us every time I’ve taken Ella anywhere lately, and I am really dreading the next time I need something (ex: coffee, the way I am going through it)  and Tom is not home to keep her. I usually just haul her under my arm, kicking and hitting (which is a feat with Alice in the sling), and take her outside until she calms down, but usually she wants to be outside, and we never get back inside to get the cart of things I left sitting in the aisle (which I feel like an ass about). So she gets her way, and I am frustrated, and uncaffeinated. She knows how to undo the buckles, so I can’t strongarm her into staying in the cart, when she is out she is constantly hitting things off the shelf/trying to open things to eat them, and when I strap her into a sling on my back, she give me bruises. I’ve even tried bribing her with rewards (stickers! donuts! a trip to Jamaica!) which is not my parenting style, but it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t work. I… am at a loss.  Help? Tell me it’s a phase? Tell me it’s okay to leave her here with the cat? (Just for clarities sake, that was a joke.) In a perfect world, I would be able to anticipate what will set her off and avoid it (we carry snacks, we try to go after a good nap, etc) but lately it is just her wanting to be independent in places she can’t rule the roost, and when I try to put any sort of boundaries on the situation (ex: You may not open that box of valentine cookies) she just melts completely down. It’s killing me ya’ll.