The Trivial Pursuit of Happiness

It’s become apparent over the last few months that Tom is just a little too good at his job. His position is a unique one ^[1], and apparently it was not until he made it clear just how valuable it was that other offices around the country realized they needed a Tom. And heck, why train a Tom when you can just offer Tom v.1.0 a job in Reno, Miami, Houston, Chicago, D.C.?

Don’t panic local friends, we are not going anywhere. Every time a new offer comes in, we look at each other and ask “Is it enough? Would it be worth it? Will the gains be worth the losses?” and every time the answer is “No”. Resoundingly, ridiculously, “No”. There are a lot of great reasons to stay in the area – Tom’s family, our home^[2], the cost of living, etc – but for me, it comes down to the fact that I am blessed here with friends who will not only rally around me when I am in crisis, but who are also ready to happy dance with me when I have good news. I moved too much as a kid to really understand what friendship was^[3] until I grew up and put down roots, so to have this little community of people who support me, and lets me support them, is quite literally invaluable.

So, since Tom refuses to transfer across the country, they have decided that he will need to come to headquarters for a minimum of six weeks after the new year, during which he will get paid to sleep in a hotel room, watch cable TV, and eat out for all of his meals. I, on the other hand, will be at home with a two year old and a four year old, six months pregnant, in the winter. And the one thing that is keeping me from panicking and demanding Tom quite his job and go back to waitering is that I know I will not starve, because Meghan is a damn good cook. And Sarah lives around the corner, and will not let me abandon my children. Gretchen’s house always smells like tea, and her laugh is contagious. Chelsea is someone whose hugs can change my entire day. They will not let me drown.

I am rich, rich, rich.^[4]

1 It’s not kosher to actually say what he does. it’s not a big secret or anything, but blogging publicly about it wouldn’t be smart.

2 Hopefully news on this soon, though I am not going to jinx myself yet. We just may be moving before the new year…

3This isn’t to say that I haven’t had wonderful friendships, just that I never really understood how to be a good friend, or how to maintain a friendship for longer than a year. I’ve let wonderful people fall through the cracks, and the few friendships I have had long term were almost all because they didn’t give up on me.

4Like pumpkin cheesecake. Also, footnotes are annoying, but I am way too stuffed full of leftover turkey to make this cohesive. Gobble gobble.

Click over to flickr to see our “Day in the Life” for November 17th, 2009 , almost exactly a year after this DITL, and two years after this one. And just in case that is not enough self indulgence for you, here is the semi-complete list of previous DITL’s, some with witty commentary, and some woefully neglected. Woe!

(Found on the edge of a piece of Ella’s drawing paper. )

Pregnancy update: 19 weeks and a couple days.

Pollywog is using my sciatica nerve as a jump rope lately, so even though the nausea has abated a bit (I’m down to throwing up twice a day!), now I am hobbling around like my leg is going to fall out of the socket. My stretch marks are getting stretch marks, my skin is breaking out, I can’t sleep, and my glasses are giving me migraines. Right about now is when I start to wonder if three pregnancies in four years was such a great idea.

The girls, though, have no doubt that all the cranky mama days are worth it, because they are getting a “baby sister!” out of the deal. Alice demands to cuddle the belly any time I am sitting down, to the point of hysterics when I stand up. She was the first to feel Pollywog from the outside, and sat up, looked at the spot accusingly, and then poked her back.

Ella made up a “We can’t wait to meet you, but you need to Grow Grow Grow!” song that she likes to sing into my belly button while we are in the bath. She suggest no less than 15 names for her daily, “What about…. Booble?” “I know! We can call the baby Quazi!”  ”Do we know anyone named Mooshu?” I am also constantly finding new drawings of our family, baby included.

So, I ache, I limp, I fall asleep at dinner.  I would give so much more.

I really thought that this year, the line between Halloween and Thanksgiving would be a smooth one, and that pesky day in the middle, November 15th, could pass like every other day.

I was wrong.

Not a lot of words today. I am feeling quiet, and am just looking forward to tomorrow. But because I wanted to mark the day somehow, I dug through boxes to find this old recording of my mom reading Owly to us. It was our favorite book as kids, and hearing her read it makes everything feel a little easier.

I’ve been writing in my paper journal this week, and may hide over there for a bit longer. NaBloPoMo is a bust for me, but I’ll be back, soon.

Things I say 30+ times a day:

Your sister does not want to be touched right now.
Who was in my purse?
No, we can not call Daddy again .
You can help mommy if you do not touch.. that. Okay, everyone down.
There are 306,736 toys in this house, you do not both need that lizard.
Throwing a fit does not get us what we want.
I can not hear a whiny voice.
Who took my phone?
Put your shoes in the closet.
If you throw that one more time, you are going.. Alright! In your room!
Ella, please speak English.
We only draw on paper.
We just had a snack.
Be gentle with the cat.
What do we say to people who hit?
If you had put your shoes away, we could find them right now.
We love each other more than we love this lizard. I’m putting him away until you can be loving towards each other.
No, you can not see the belly right now, Alice.
Is that what really happened, or what you wish happened?
I can not understand you if you do not stop screaming.
A minute is 60 seconds.
Daddy’s at work.
Please eat.
I am not your Kleenex.

Recently it has moved past the ”pretty leaves and light sweaters” portion of Fall, into the “Oh god, is that blue sky I see over there? I forgot the sky could be anything other than grey” portion. This will last for oh… another 5 months or so, with the occasional reminder that we live way to fracking far north.

If it were just me, I would gladly swear off all fresh air until Spring, and spend the next 5 months inside watching reruns of Golden Girls. But it’s a funny thing about the under 12 set – they have more energy than is humanly possible, and if they do not get it out, their mother’s heads have been known to expode. So, we’re not letting a little rain and 20mph winds stop us from enjoying a day at the park this year. Okay, enjoying it may be a stretch, but they didn’t have an option, I locked the car.

(Ella was stuck on the slide here, because the slide was wet and stuck to her jeans. And like an awesome mom, I took a picture from under the safety of the weather shelter before saving her.)

I just wrote up a long blog post about how maddening I am finding disciplining a preschooler to be, when Ella came out of her room, gave me a hug, and told me “I’m sorry I did not listen very well today. I will try harder tomorrow.” Me too, kiddo. Me too.

But hey, look, it’s a cute toddler in a hat!

And if that didn’t work to cheer you up, Alice will gladly come over and tickle you.

Today is the kind of day that, if it were not NaBloPoMo*, I would just take off from blogging. Today has been full – of activity, of emotion, of cooking and laughing and crafting – and sitting down to condense any of it seems like time that could be spent elsewhere, but alas, it is November.

So, here is a little collage of inspiration for the girls’ room. Moving may be months away, but I can dream, right?

*NaBloPoMo 2007 begins here, and NaBloPoMo 2008 here.

Five years ago today, Tom and went on our first date. I plan to write out “our story” eventually, but for now, know this: it’s been a whirlwind half decade. If you had told me then that today we would be celebrating not only surviving five years together, but also that we have three beautiful daughters, I would not have believed you.

I’m so glad I said yes to that date.