Even if you are not on twitter, or do not know someone involved in the controversy around Shellie Ross and her son Bryson, you likely have heard the story from CNN, ABC, Fox, or even your local news. If not, the short version is this: Shelly spent the day tending to her yard, chickens, and Christmas decorations, tweeting about her progress. That afternoon, her two year old son fell into the pool and drowned. Critics are saying her tweeting contributed to his death, but most people (including the lead investigator) see it as irrelevant. It was an accident, and one that is tragically common.

And while there is a lot of great posts out there about the situation, what I keep coming back to is all the near misses in our lives – how many times have I had to slam on my brakes or lay on my horn to avoid a distracted driver who could have hit us? How many times has Alice tried to swallow a bite of apple that was a bit too large? How many times has Ella hit her head and *possibly* done damage? The time Ella ate unknown berries in our backyard; the time I nearly dropped newborn Alice on an icy sidewalk; the time 18 month old Ella figured out the front door and got to the end of the driveway before I realized it; the time I drove home drowsy; the time Ella went under at the pool and for a split second I could not grab her; the time Alice grabbed my open rotary cutter off my craft table; the times they have tried to dash away in parking lots; the times they have turned blue from coughing; the times they have had reactions to medications; the times I have been doing dishes, cooking dinner, changing a diaper, talking on the phone to a friend, trying to meditate for 2 minutes and I have heard a wail from the other room…

It is a hard fact to accept, that we as parents have no guarantees that we will get to watch these little people grow up. We do everything we can to keep them safe, but for some, no amount of effort is enough. Yes, I’ve kept my children safe for four years now, but it’s been purely by Providence that I have a list of near misses, instead of tragedies. Does that make me a better mother than Shellie Ross, or the parents of the other 5,200 children who will die from accidents this year? The truth is that it does not. I am as guilty of being distracted as she was, and as we all are. We all have to do laundry, we all need a quiet moment to ourselves, we all look away at the wrong moment, we all trust that things will be okay, because we love our kids and that should keep them safe. Sometimes, we are wrong.

When we sign up to be parents, we don’t get to choose who our children will be, how we will get along with them, how many years we will get to spend with them before one of us is gone. What we do get to choose is how we will spend those days we have with them.
December snow day December snow day

I hope Shellie and Bryson had as many happy days as we have.